ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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