Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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