GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
