I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
