just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
