you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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