wakey wakey hands off snakey
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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