he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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