So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
