He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
