no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Will you blow on my dice?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
