Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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