I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are all done wearing pants today
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
