C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
