Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
