Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
