So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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