Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
