You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
