party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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