her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
