Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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