My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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