she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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