I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
