Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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