It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
