i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
