Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
