I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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