So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
