You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
