I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
