"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
