I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
