Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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