I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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