You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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