You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
