I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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