Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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