sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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