some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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