Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
