How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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