He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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