You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
