just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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