Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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