Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
