seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
