you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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