Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
