Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
