this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
