Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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