Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
