Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
