are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
