I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
