Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
