i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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