What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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