He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
