You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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