the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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