Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
