R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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