my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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